Drive

You know the song by Incubus: Drive. Alex made me a tape when I was pregnant with Hosni; that was the first time I heard Incubus. They have become one of my favorite bands.

Drive by Incubus
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

I post those lyrics because I helped one of my friends paint her kitchen today. But she had a hard time deciding what color, should it be two toned, aqua or blue or both, etc. I kept telling her it was her kitchen, her house her decision. And those Incubus lyrics kept playing through my head. It made me think of times that I left someone else drive my life or decisions

and how hard it was to stop that. I started thinking about when I get the most worried about things, it really more about what others reaction will be (usually my ex-husband). I think how powerless that makes me feel and how much power that gives to others. Why isn't my decision or reaction enough?

It makes me think about how we give our personal power away by letting other make choices. It's one thing to ask an opinon, but the decision you have to own. So back to painting; after I painted the whole kitchen (while my friend did little things) she stepped back to admire it and decided the word for her kitchen was "Confident" and "Bold". She made the comment that she had not been feeling confident or bold in a long time. The deepness of the color could only indicate someone who was confident. But maybe the color suggests emerging confidence or boldness.

Well, I could write something funny, but right now I'm terribly tired. Painted my mud room and laudry room last night and today painted and primed a whole kitchen. I'm beat.

Striving to make my house as functionally fungshui as possible is more work than I imagined and has taken a long time.